feeling mediocre? same.

I’ve never not felt mediocre. I push myself over and over to try new things, meet new people, and to an extent, step outside of my comfort zone. For most of my life, I’ve been a fairly shy introverted person who gets a little crazy with her friends, but takes at least a year to warm up to. Whereas other people around me excel in their chosen professions, hobbies, and schooling, I always felt average.

Growing up, my parents encouraged, not pushed, my brother and I to try all types of new things. We tried a bunch of sports, arts, and hobbies to find out what our passions were. While my brother homed in on sports, I had a big issue: I was passionate about everything.

I loved to sing. Sucked at it.

I loved ballet. Sucked at it.

I loved drawing. Sucked at it.

I loved basketball. Sucked at it.

I loved painting. Sucked at it.

I loved soccer. Sucked at it at first, then got good. Then blew my knee out.

I loved baking. Actually really good at it. Exhibit A below (flex).

As I tried new things, I found that I loved doing everything and spread myself out trying to master it all. Shocker, it’s not possible. I started telling myself I wasn’t really all that good at anything because I stuck with so many things I really wasn’t good at, which made me not enjoy it over time.

So, I buckled down and began to focus on what I loved. Much to my family’s delight and dismay, I started baking almost every weekend. I focused on soccer, until I hurt my knee and wasn’t able to anymore, and I dedicated lots of time to student leadership ventures.

America has a capitalist mentality that forces us to try to excel at everything all the time. While that competition and drive can be healthy, it can cause us to feel inadequate, average, or mediocre. Once I stopped trying to be good at everything, I focused on the things I loved the most and excelled happily. I still mess up in all those areas. I still have days where I’m really the worst at what I’m doing. But knowing my passions can align with the things I can get better at was so helpful in accepting my mediocrity in all other areas of my life.

I feel as if we’re conditioned to feel mediocre or less than because of the society we live in where individualism is considered more powerful than community. Once I embraced those around me with similar passions, I was able to better myself in the areas where I lacked talent, expertise, or precision. In finding that community, I could feel as if my passions were aligning with the things I wasn’t good at. I found a way to be comfortable in that mediocrity and embrace it for what it is. Once I did that, it became a lot easier to find my passions.

At the end of the day, we’re all trying to figure it out. So I try not to stress about the things I can’t control. A lot of the time, I can’t just not stress about these things, and that’s okay as well. I’m learning to take it step by step, embrace that mediocrity, and continue to find passions that contribute to those around me.